Why Men Love Shopping

So the whole story that men hate shopping is somewhat of a myth. We don't hate shopping we just hate most shopping.

I pulled out my to do list and fixing the drip on my faucet was at the top of the list. The constant sound of drip drip drip had finally become annoying enough that it was time to do something about it. A quick inspection told me that I could replace the washers but the faucet was old, ugly and the mineral build up from Arizona's hard water meant that a new one was a better choice.

I told my wife that we were all going to make a trip to home depot. She protested so I told her that I would try to pick out a nice faucet for the kitchen sink. Apparently she didn't trust my judgment since it only took her a few moments to get ready.

We entered Home Depot through the contractors doors. For those of you who don't know they are on the far end by lumber and concrete. As we entered the smell of cedar wafted past. I inhaled deeply enjoying the aroma. "Where's plumbing?", my wife asked. "Over there", I replied pointing generally in it's direction. The smell off the cedar and the row of wood got the better of me so I headed straight down the lumber isle. My imagination was in overdrive as looked at each piece of wood. 2x4, 2x6, 4x4, 4x6 they even had some custom cut 10x12's that were a special order the customer had refused. In my mind I was builging a play set for the kids, added the walk-in closet and even built a second story on the house.

The next isle was fencing and it made me realize that I wanted a decorative picket style fence on the front of my house. I checked out all the options and decided that the black iron fence would look the best and hold up in our climate. I pulled out my note pad and wrote down prices so I could go home and measure and figure out how much it was going to cost. Once I was done off we went to the next isle.

Every isle had another project that I wanted to try. Rewire the house, put in new windows, hardwood floors and the list went on. We got into the first plumbing isle that had all the pipes and fittings. Heavy duty PVC pipe, adapter, valve it was all here. Everything I needed to make a massive potato gun or boom cannon. Just as I was figuring out the best way to build it I heard a loud sigh behind me. "What's the matter honey?", I asked. "Nothing", she replied. I knew in a second that she wasn't having a good time.

Trying to be sensitive to her needs we moved over to the plumbing fixtures. It took a little while but we found one that we could agree that we both liked even though it was neither of our favorites. No sooner than it hit the cart then she looked at me and asked "You ready?". My mind raced we were only on aisle 6 of 24 plus the whole gardening section outside. My heart sunk as I tried to think of something that she would agree that we needed but nothing came to mind. I was like a deer in the headlights. I couldn't move but unable the find a reason to stay.

As we walked to the checkout I looked down every aisle looking for something we "had" to have but nothing would create the convincing argument that I needed. At the last second I realized I needed a Hail Mary. Something huge, something there would be no rebuttal for. "Let's get new door handles", I blurted out. Most of the handles were as old as the house and needed to be replaced. I thought I had came up with the perfect excuse. Something my wife had wanted done anyhow. Then I remembered that the dishwasher was on it's last legs so we could go to appliances after handles. Storage would be next since she always mentioned getting more shelves in the laundry room.

I was on a roll. I may not get the whole store but I would get most of it. I was planning the best way to move from department to department so I could make random stops along the way. If we went to lighting after paint then I could check out the power tools.

I was already heading towards the hardware aisle when I heard the checkout girl ask "May I help you?". I turned around just in time to see my wife hand her the faucet.

Why Men Hate Shopping

It's no secret that most men don't like to go shopping. For us the mall is a place of tedium. When I have been dragged into yet another store standing there in the clothing section I often wonder why this shirt won't work or what's wrong with this skirt.

Clothes shopping should be fast and easy. Walk in, see it, buy it and done.

My wife sees it another way. Look at every possible item available and make notes of where every possible keeper is. Then go back and compare all the keepers. Try them on. See how it looks on. Eliminate some items. Try them on again. Compare them together. Look a little more as she contemplates possibilities. If possible include new clothes as possibilities. Try those on. Make a decision. Buy them.

I try to be a good husband and understand that this IS important to her but by then end of the experience I am as inclined to jump from the top of the mall as walk out the front door. Every attempt I have made to facilitate (and speed up) the process has proven fruitless. For instance I thought I had a pretty good idea on the types of clothes that she likes to wear so I decided to find the possibilities on a large rack for her. After a few moments of searching I triumphantly held up a blouse that looked like they made it to suit her style and taste. "What do you think of this honey?", I proudly remarked showing her the treasure that I had pulled from the rack. "Oh, It's nice", she replied flatly and obviously unimpressed. I made the the mistake of deciding to push the issue. "What's wrong with it?", I asked knowing that I was crossing a line. I don't really remember the answer but something about a button and colors and I realized that I had committed a major mistake by messing with the special karma of the mall.

From that point on I did what I usually do when clothes shopping. I followed, carried and kept my mouth shut. When she needed to try stuff on I waited patiently. When she resumed searching I followed quietly so as not to cause any more damage to the great balance. On occasion we would pass another couple and in almost every case I could see that the dynamics of their shopping relationship was the same. Both women would be so engrossed in the almost religious experience that they were oblivious that anyone was anywhere near them. I would try to make a quick nod to the other man who was also trapped to say I know your pain, I am in the same hell, just hold on they close in 4 more hours.